Sims 4’s inanimate pets
The Sims 4 is littered with them, quite frankly. Inanimate pets are all those rubbish cats, dogs and others that just sit there. They do nothing except perhaps look a bit foolish. There are the plus sides to these pointless pets: they cost nothing to feed, don’t answer you back, they don’t scuff the furniture, don’t bicker over toys and they generally smell much better than real pets too. But they don’t fetch the newspaper, they don’t bite burglars, they ignore you when you talk to them and they stiffen unnecessarily when petted.
So, what’s the point of them? I mean really – what IS the point?!
Some of our Featured Artists DO think there’s a point because they have given you even more incredibly useless animals, but with a difference: these animals are potties too. They can take care of most of your household’s toilet training needs (if most of your household averages 3 years of age, that is). In this review, we take a look at two of them…
Meet our comparison pet potties for Sims 4
These animal fiends have been brought to your game courtesy of NynaeveDesigns (hippos) and Kardofe (tigers). As always, you’ll find links to each set somewhere spectacularly inconvenient in this article.
You might be wondering why a Wild West duelling theme? You might not be, but I’m going to tell you anyway. I always think that, when more than one Featured Artist makes something during any one year, it’s a Declaration of War. Therefore, their creations are at war too. This might look like it’ll be an unfair fight (2 versus 3 for anyone who can’t count), but all food-fights at TSR are woefully unfair anyway, so it’s totally realistic. It is the nature of the beast, one might say.
How we tested
We prepared a line-up of Sims 4 inanimate pets to test against our Featured Artist contributions. Unbelievably, there are even more than this in the game but I became bored after a while. Ignore the real pet in the background. It’s Bandit. He’s taking advantage of the fact the other pets are inanimate and are therefore unable to defend their dinner bowl from this greedy little eejit.
All of these inanimate pets supposedly have some kind of tenuous purpose – apparently. Some improve the smell of the homes of noxious Sims by sporting garish flowers. Some simply sit and stare at you so you feel loved even when you’re not. NynaeveDesigns and Kardofe have thought right outside the box though. Their inanimate pets are designed to be baby-toilets – yes, POTTIES. I would have preferred one of these pets to be a worktop cooker or something, but beggars can’t be choosers.
Usefulness isn’t everything, so these tests have been designed to assess whether these potty pets really do earn their badge of honour in the Utterly Useless Inanimate Pet Brigade (an acronym that doesn’t make a word, so is ultimately disappointing)…
Test 1: Pack Acceptance Test (PAT)
This test was BRUTAL! First off, the potty pets need to be tested with other inanimate pets to see how well they fit into the pack. The tiger potty pet made attempts to be accepted, but was harshly rejected by other pack members. This reminds us of the cruel world in which we live, and means our PAT test has to be marked as a fail.
Test 2: Pet Aggression Repression Program (PARP)
We had to end this test prematurely. The hippo-potty-muses were openly hostile to the other pets, making clear death threats. This incited retaliation from other Sims 4 pets and the situation became critically dangerous (no-one likes to be threatened with sausage meat or holes in ice). This means that our PARP test is also a huge fail.
PS – I make no claims to these rhymes; I just butchered the originals for your enjoyment.
Test 3: the Critical Reaction Assessment Profile (CRAP) test.
This test focuses on the reaction of other pets in the pack. For this, we decided to obtain an extremely angry toddler who’d been left to drink several months’ supply of fizzy drinks, and a slightly less angry Chihuahua. How would other pack members take to one of the inanimate pets being repurposed for something useful? Now, Bubbles the Chihuahua is probably not meant to be one of our inanimate pets in this round-up but, to be fair, she hadn’t moved from the same cushion in weeks so we’d classified her as an ornamental thing just to stare at. Regardless, the reaction was negative, meaning another fail.
Test 4: Decant a Funny Toddler (DAFT) test
Amelia spends every waking moment in total fury. That makes her funny, and therefore a good candidate for this test. I have strong reason to believe that green measuring meter above her head is a glass test-tube showing the liquid yet to be emptied into the potty pet. I know everything about The Sims 4 and that’s exactly what this green thing is.
However, there is a major problem: the green gauge was filling rather than emptying, meaning that fluids were decanting FROM the potty into – no, I don’t even want to think about that. This tiger toilet pet is clearly LETHAL. I’ll just mark this test a fail too so we can move on quickly to the results.
So, do these potties rank with other useless Sims 4 pets?
In a word, no.
Firstly, they’re not useless, so they lose points for that. Secondly, Sims 4 inanimate pets need to get along. They need to co-exist and give purpose to our Sims’ lives and needs. While our Potty Pets offer a distinctive design and don’t require much in way of feeding and attention, they simply refuse to integrate with our other useless, inanimate pets in The Sims 4 and that simply won’t do.
So, it is with great
mirth regret that we award each of these potties with our usual review of a dismal 2/10. Sorry – that’s the only score our rubber stamp can give. Nowt anyone can do about that!
See these Sims 4 sets for yourself…
Don’t believe the horror stories you read above? Then try some new inanimate pets yourself by downloading these toddler sets. Your toddlers will probably thank you more than Amelia will thank me.
|The Happy Zoo by Kardofe||The Ocean Toddler Nursery by NynaeveDesigns|
- the HARSH TRUTH about Sims 4 toilets
- the DAMA ‘beady’ toilet – a toilet that toilets back at you
- the RADON self-detonating toilet menace
- Princess – the leaky truth about Sims 4 toilet fashion
Every one a harsh and chilling true story!