Welcome to Cyclonesue’s Trusted Reviews. I’m currently looking at a small selection of Sims 4 toilets that you can download from The Sims Resource before I start
picking on reviewing other content types.
I’ve been at TSR since circa 1625 and I have a real (as opposed to glass) eye for all those imperfections you need to know about. I’m here to show you the TRUTH about all creations that look better than mine…
As always, don’t bother sending in lawyers; I paid them off already.
What shall we do with the
drunken sailor Sims 4 toilet?
Does your toilet look a little like this the morning after the night before?
If so, this is a sign that you are either drinking too much of the happy stuff. It is also a sign that you might not be drinking enough of it (because you can actually still see some of the toilets). Perhaps it might be that your toilet is the one that is drunk. Or it can also be a result of wearing grandpa’s spectacles again – you really do need to stop that now.
Whichever sign you think it is, no-one wants to be reminded that they partied hard into the early hours of next week (time enough for the boss to do that when you eventually crawl your way into work). Whatever the cause, seeing a toilet mirage is “problematic” and I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you why. If you do, you haven’t partied hard enough yet. Go back and try again. Come see me when you can no longer see me.
The “Don’t Judge Me” toilet for The Sims 4
Introducing the absolutely brilliant innovation that is the Radon Toilet!
Yes, that’s right. This is the pinnacle of “Don’t Judge Me” toilets. This Sims 4 toilet does not care whether you are drunk or sober. It looks the same no matter what level of sobriety you boast. In fact, you never need be reminded again that you shouldn’t have had that last bevvy (ask any Brit – preferably from the north-west). Because this toilet does not judge, I’ve moved my party into the bathroom. With that bendy pipe, I can pretend I am always drunk. I like this. It is much cheaper than actually being drunk.
Radon – lethal weapon!
Are you like me and never get invited to parties? I used to be invited to parties. Now I never get invited (well, it wasn’t my fault their furniture was incompatible with chillies in beetroot juice…).
The “Don’t Judge Me” Radon has patented an already patented idea of the “Buzz Wire Toy”. Remember those? Parents bought them in the 1970s for children they didn’t like very much. Try to guide the loop around the wire without being thoroughly electrocuted. They were like computer games before “GAME OVER” was invented.
Wondymoon has brought this retro toy back with pizzazz – well, ‘PIZZAZZ!!!” to be more accurate. That is the noise it makes as 12,000 volts of unadulterated current courses through your veins. I should know! You will need a LOT of plug sockets for this toy to do real damage.
And if you DO want to try this at home, don’t mention it to the parents. They will only take away all your toilet toys. Remember: parents are just children with all the fun sucked out.
No, I’m not suggesting granny should be hard-boiled, but do you find yourself sharing your bathroom with the grandparents? You have places to go, people to see, but the bathroom is BLOCKED. Yes, it is “under occupation”. Grandma or grandpa have been in there since the turn of the 2nd century and you NEED to go!
This Sims 4 toilet has a genius pressure gauge and self-propelling timer mechanism.
Simply obtain a cartoon bomb, drop it in the cistern, set the pressure gauge to the desired release speed, and then watch as the bomb slides its way down that bendy pipe. The gauge manages air pressure which controls how quickly the bomb slides down the pipe. So clever! Soon, the bathroom will be all yours again!
If it hasn’t come to your attention already, the Radon Sims 4 toilet is a MENACE!
Yes, it does all those marvellous things, but would YOU want a toilet that not only encourages drunken debauchery, but also has the power to electrocute or explode any toilet user into oblivion?! I know I would! I mean WOULDN’T!!!
This means that the Radon “Don’t Judge Me” toilet earns our decidedly meagre 2/10 score because I refuse to be responsible for what you will do with it.
PS: NO GRANNIES WERE HURT DURING THE MAKING OF THIS ARTICLE!
Alternative Sims 4 toilets?
Well, by pure coincidence, Cyclonesue (yes, that’s me again but there is NO BIAS WHATSOEVER) offers a far superior toilet because it is in post-damaged state with no grandparents to clog it up. The bend in this pipe is more subtle, meaning that cartoon bombs will reach the bottom much quicker, and we think a missing pull chain is much more fun to play with than a buzz wire. I’m sure you will all agree that this Sims 4 toilet deserves our Toilet Of The Year award and a 10/10 score! Amazing!
Well done, Cyclonesue!
Wondymoon said something about libel and she demands we rewrite this review – but I wasn’t listening (being deafened by the granny bomb). She insists that the Radon toilet is NOT dangerous and cannot be weaponised. We asked for evidence of this but she said: “You’re being absurd! This so-called review, like all the others, is simply stupid, as well as biased“. That’s attitude right there!
Dear readers, you can see the evidence for yourself. Download the Sims 4 Radon Bathroom set and declare warfare on hangovers, bathroom hoggers and children you don’t like very much.